Prime Living?

Looking for my wardrobe at the bottom of my glass. It wasnt there. 

My wardrobe shrank.
It is as if someone snuck into to my room in the night and stole the clothes i loved, splintering my closet into ill-fitting garments and a  million sweater dresses (ew).


After a weight gain, a depressive bout  and a quarter life crisis i am left wondering; what looks good on me? Everything? Anything? Nothing?  If I am what I wear, who the fuck am I?


 As a baby my nick name was tinker bell, a name that until now i thought apt, but have come to find  inaccurate. To spread pixie dust, one must be imaginative and to my horror i realize that I probably have never expressed a single original or imaginative thought in what i wear.  I believe I have always been 'knock off' rather than 'spot on'.


Neverland beauty is eternally elusive. This trend, that trend. That product this product. All of a sudden, the brilliant illusion is ageing, cracking and fraying along with dreams of the future me. I am living my prime, but in reality it is a shadow of my vogue fantasy . No matter how long i worship the altar of the glossy page, I will never be Kate Moss.

So where to from here? Move on? Move forward? Change. I have decided that to facilitate a change of dress, i must change my scenery. My friend Katharine is looking for a roommate in Montreal and this July, it will be me. I will fly away from my beautiful lost boys and Pixie (Cut) Hallow and nestle in a new place. I have come to learn that progression is not linear, we grow and regress regardless of age. Montreal is the destination, the new sober dream, indicative of i'm not sure what. Is Neverland before me or behind me? Is growing up or staying young progressive?


As my 'vogue fantasy' reveals beauty as illusory, it also reveals the beauty of an illusion. Maybe the secret to youthful enthusiasm is staying loyal to the pursuit of a fantasy? I can look at it in two ways: i am going toward Montreal or im am moving sideways across the country. I can try to look Kate Moss or I can believe than i never will.


All i know is that right now, the idea of flying away fills me with hope.